Don't know what to say...
I have to confess,
I don't have all of the answers!
HA.
This is such a joke.
I'm entering foreign territory.
I'm doing "it" for the first time.
This is weird.
My child is wearing a training bra.
Questions about shaving have come up.
My daughter wants her own face book account.
She is concerned about her appearance
and asks me
"MOM AM I FAT?"
She wishes that she could read a boy's mind.
...little does she know that they wish they could read hers.
"MOM, I WANT SOMEONE TO HAVE A CRUSH ON ME. I DON'T THINK THAT ANY BOYS LIKE ME."
My husband says,
"I don't want to know."
"This is chick stuff."
"BOYS ARE BAD."
...and ducks out of the room.
I say,
"You are beautiful."
"You are not allowed to call yourself stupid...EVER."
"We are all different and that's what makes this world such a great place."
"Just remember, boys are only people."
"Always be yourself."
"If a boy doesn't treat you with respect and kindness then he's not worth your time because you are amazing."
"Remember, you are Addi and you are awesome...a totally cool kid."
"Just say, hey my baby finger is cooler than your baby finger then wiggle it in their face and walk away. (as we giggle, swinging our baby fingers at each other)
"When I was 10 1/2 I looked just like you! You are my daughter and so much like me."
...we chill out, shoulder against shoulder staring at the oversized Christmas ornaments and pipe cleaner art hanging from her ceiling.
Visual confetti.
I show her photos...
The thens.
The nows.
As if it mattered to her.
---5th grader---
With all of the support that we can muster, with all of the compliments that we offer up...
Our beloved child needs to
...trust her mind
...and have faith in herself.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
-Will an almost middle schooler buy that?
Who am I kidding?!
I would have never!
As I re-read I want to edit.
I sound like my Mom.
But wait, there's a reason for that.
Mom's cliches and dorky statements helped.
They echo and are remembered.
-Thanks mom.
We are parents. Our love is expected. -Unconditional.
Peers and BOYS are not us.
My opinion is like a feather drifting on a breeze.
Her friends will lay a road of concrete.
Their words are like law.
Middle School is fast approaching and I am afraid for my baby.
Can I have her held back a year?!
Tricky
Tricky
Tricky
...and oh so new!
I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.
Oh wait...
I've been there already...
...But not like this.
I remember those tightly wound feelings of uncertainty...
Hell, I still have them!
Forget about butterflies.
I had wasps and dragonflies in my stomach.
My children can not imagine that there bold mama was a shy girl.
-nose in sketchbook
-paintbrush in hand
-eye peering through a camera viewfinder
-head in the dark room
-small circle of friends
...kind of a girl.
I tease and say,"I didn't become loud and obnoxious until college (which is true)."
I was just like them.
I still am just like them.
It's breath-taking.
Heartbreaking.
Miraculous.
The questions remain:
Mom am I fat?- NO
Will a boy ever have a crush on me?- YES
Can I have a face book account?- When you are much older.
When can I shave?- 6th grade
Will we, I mean she... be alright?- YES
She'll figure it all out
...eventually.
Until then Jim and I are destined to repeat this twice over. I have my Safari gear and a bathroom full of make up, zit cream, tampons, tissues, cottonballs and hair "stuff" ready for the jungle ahead.
God, if you're listening please give Jim and I our own bathroom before the teenage years strike!
Photographs:
1) Addison: by B. Westerlind, 2012
2,3,4) Grace, Chloe and Addi...the 2009 Impromptu Holiday Shoot
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