Kids, Bastards and Opera

Grace has been keeping me on my toes.
She's living up to the title of the middle child that will always be heard.
-and I LOVE IT!

It was 7 am.
I was unloading the dishwasher and buttering toast.
...yes, at the same time.
My ears perked up.

There was a grand opera being played out in Grace and Chloe's bedroom.

"The bastard is deeaadddd!!!!


I shook my head.
Surprised so early in the morning.
Shocked at hearing the word bastard.
Happy that I have an outrageously creative child that appreciates opera.

Grace came sliding across the kitchen floor.
I paused and looked her way.

"MOM! Where's a pencil? I have to find one.
I'm going to be famous!
I just wrote a song all by myself...Do you want to hear it?"

Me: Of course. Go for it!

"The bastard is deeeaaadddddd!!!
I've cut off his heeeaaaadd!
Down goes his neck.
DOOOOWWWWNNNN goes his HHHAAAEDDDDD!!!
Soon he'll be DeeeaaaD!"
What do you think? Isn't it great?! I can't believe that I wrote such a great song!

Me: Wow!

- Time to burst my baby's bubble.

Me: Gracie, it was wonderful and I loved it! You are a really good opera singer but where did you get the words for the song?
Grace: You mean dead? Everyone knows that word.
Me: No. The bastard word.
Grace: I just thought of it because it rhymes. Cool, huh.
Me: The word bastard isn't a made up word. It's a real word and it's actually a very grown up, bad word.
Grace: Really?
Me: Uhhhh huh. I loved your song but you can't have that word in it. What else can you use instead of bastard?
Grace: So, let me get this straight...I have to change my famous song? (and yes, she really did say those exact words. LOL.)

- Chloe emerges out of thin air.
-POOF! There she is.

 Chloe: Grace what Mom is trying to say is that if you say that word in school you will go to the Principal's office. So don't say that word. It's bad.(and yes, these are the words of my 6 year old)

-Oh, my littlest voice of reason.
-Can you always make Mommy's job easier? Please?Pretty please?

Grace looks at me, frozen, mid dish.

Me: Chloe is right. Listen to your little sister. Bastard is not a word for kids to say. It isn't a polite word at all.
HERE WE GO...
- The key to success with my darling, middle child is to bring etiquette into the situation at hand.
- Peggy and Emily Post had better watch it. She will rewrite the book someday.

Grace: Oh. Ok. Chloe let's think of another word. Let's go.

My little ones walked back into their bedroom for a millisecond.

Grace was back.
Chloe peeked over her shoulder.
Grace: I know! Listen Mom, this is good.
" The pastor is deaaaddd!!!
I chopped off his his head!!!!
Down goes his neck.
Dooooowwwwwwwwwn goes his heeeeAaaaAaaaaddddd.
Soooooon he'll be deeeAAAaaadddddd!"

Me: Whoa! Wait a second. Not that either.
Grace: But it rhymes.
Me: Think for a minute.What is a pastor? Who is he?
Grace: Oh, that's right. We like pastors. They are God guys and very good.Buster is a good God dude. I don't want to say that.
Me: Exactly. No chopping off pastor's heads. That's not nice at all. You'd hurt Buster's feelings. (my kids and now our entire congregation, call our pastor Buster, out of love...long story.)
Grace: Come on Chloe.

I finished the dishes and moved on to the breakfast.
Heart shaped toast, eggs over easy (aka sunshine eggs) and sliced mango were on the menu in my kitchen.
As I flipped an egg the girls walked back into the room.
Addison was now seated at the table and curious.
Addi: What's going on?
Me: Just wait...you'll see. Grace, Chloe any luck?

The girls nodded in unison and Grace belted out the revamped lyrics.

"The Maaaaaasterrrrrrrr is DEEaaaAAAAAAAD... come on Chloe.
Chloe: The Maaaster is deeeeeaaaaaad.
Both girls: I chopped of his Heeeeeaaaddddd!

Now their arms extended outward, pleading as they...WAIT, Grace began to mimic stabbing motions at her neck and slip onto the floor. As she dropped she never missed a beat.
Chloe looked at her like she was slightly nuts...Gracie was now tugging her sleeve and attempting to pull her down too.

"The MaaaAAA---AAAaaaa-AAAaaaaaasterrrrrr is DEAD! AhhhhhhHHHHHHHhhhh!!!"
Chloe is now trying to steady herself, Addi is laughing and Grace is moaning on the floor.
"Down goes his neck. Down goes his head. Sooooooon he'll be DeeeaaaAAAAAAaaaD!"

Me: Wow. -So much better. Good job.

Addi: Seriously? Why are you cutting off heads?

Grace:It rhymed.

We sat down.
Ate some toast and that was breakfast.
Welcome to my morning.
I spent the rest of the day humming the bastard is dead.