How could I turn her down? My heart had just turned to mush.
When Addison wants to be bad she is very bad. When Addison strives to be good she is incredibly sweet and loving and yes, good.
Addi tried her best to stay up for Jim. When I noticed her beginning to doze I called him without her knowing. I felt it important that he know of the great lengths that she went to in order to say her "sorries." Unfortunately, he was still in the office, rushing to leave and catch a train home. The conversation was abrupt.
This is the story of our lives of late. No one can help this. My husband is in high demand at the moment.
It'll slow eventually and his girlfriend... by this I mean his LAPTOP, will give him back to us. For the time being the affair continues. He belongs to "HER"...it.
The phone went back in it's caddy and I walked the hall back to our room. The house was quiet for 8:30 p.m. Chloe and Gracie were already fast asleep. Dreaming no doubt of Cupid and piles of chocolate. (Note to self...Don't forget to turn into CUPID tonight!)
There lay Addi, eyes fluttering as she read and fought the natural urge to sleep. I sat beside her, stroked her hair and told her how proud I was and that Daddy would surely be proud too. She smiled up at me, thanked me in her high pitched, nine year old voice and curled up in a ball next to me. With in minutes she was fast asleep with her arms wrapped around my waist and two paper hearts in her hand. These were presents for her Dad. Again, my heart melted.
It pains me that my husband will have to wait until morning for her apology but I am beaming inside at the same time. What Mom wouldn't? It's moments like this that make nights like last night a distant memory...better left gathering dust.
Shall I explain?
This will be brief.
I'm enjoying the current moment too much to dwell on the past. It's similar to the feeling when the cortisol kicks in after childbirth. You know, that glorious hormone that helps you forget the pains of delivery? In essence it's the little / big reason that many of us gave our first born siblings!
PAIN?...YUP, I SURVIVED.
HOURS OF AGONY?...WAS IT REALLY THAT LONG?!
PUSHING?...WAS I PUSHING??
...Oh look honey...she's gorgeous. I can't take my eyes off her. She's the most precious baby...
OH YEAH, I'M GReeeeaaaaAT.
PIECE OF CAKE.
HONEY, LET'S HAVE ANOTHER BABY...
...that kind of feeling.
Yesterday Jim made another fabulous Sunday dinner. After the way things went with our brood I fear it could be his last. My amazing guy had worked from the kitchen, run errands, poured over recipes online and had endured a not - so - great grocery experience with the whole family. We came home and he eagerly prepared his six game hens. This was a new recipe. The family had never sat down to hens before. We thought that it would be cool for the girls to each have their own little bird.
This time WE WERE BOTH WRONG.
In retrospect I realize that we, adults, thought the idea cool. Kids on the other hand want nothing to do with their own little, roasted birdie!
This was way too personal for them.
Too real.
Too many images of big bird and friendly chicks for them to endure.
Chloe as always, kept her cool. She was polite until the end.
She commented, trying to sound adult,"You know...sometimes when things look gross. It doesn't mean that they are gross. They can be good." Then she ate her dinner, trying everything.
-Chloe watched a show with us and had an ice pop.
Her sisters didn't see things this way.
Grace was middle of the road with this deal. Freaked out and uncertain, but unwilling to ever be labeled as "bad", Gracie voiced her discomfort and disgust.
"It doesn't look good to me." "What is this anyway?"" Can I have something else?"
...slowly the tune changed.
"Ok...I'll try a little." "I tried it."" I don't like it."...or did it? "I don't want to eat this!" " Can I please not eat this and only eat my vegetables?"
-Grace went to bed with out dessert. She was more than ok with this deal.
Addison was a train wreck. She lost all self control. Our nine year old grew horns and a tail. She spewed comments at our beloved Sunday dinner table that I hope to never hear again!
It wasn't the fact that she refused to eat anything that pushed us over the parental edge. It was the nasty, insulting, mess that she blurted out that did it...
"This is disgusting!" "This is gross." "How could you make this?" "I'm not eating this EVER!"
When given the option of at least trying it...We were shot down. "No way!!" "Never!"
So, that was it. Dinner was destroyed.
Our feelings were hurt.
We did something that we had never done before.
Addi was sent to her room with out dinner.
She cried.
She attempted to emerge.
I nearly gave in but instead had a heart to heart with her about hurt feelings, disappointment and broken hearts. ( I busted out all the guilt-trippin' Mom moves in the book.)
She cried some more.
She cried more after Jim told her that he'd talk to her in the morning rather than that evening.
His feelings were hurt.
We were tired.
She was tired.
Tomorrow would be another day.
...Today was much better. It ended better. Our little girl learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I'm so proud of her. I'm proud of us too. Last night was far from easy.
Being a parent can be rough.
...but then there are moments like tonight and the cortisol kicks in.
No comments:
Post a Comment